Monday, February 23, 2009

Oh the Indignity!

While perusing the shelves of mostly useless stuff at my nearest outdoors mega store I found a product so asinine that I couldn't help but write about it. I seldom venture into the outdoors superstore as it makes me think that there's no way Lewis and Clark made it to the Pacific without a two stroke margarita mixer. It also tends to lighten my wallet a bit in the process. Its simply brainwashing for profit but it beats shopping for more domestic needs.

It was then in my random wanderings through the outdoor mega mart wondering how to live without a camp stove drip coffeemaker that I found a product so obnoxious it stopped me in my tracks.

That, gentle reader is something called the "Butt Out" tool. Its intended purpose is to "assist" the hunter in removing the alimentary canal in an efficient manner while protecting our presumably squeamish hunter from touching the animal's rectum.

Now if you own one of these and have used it in the field I'd love to hear from you. Particularly, why you felt the need to spend $20 on this thing. Not being offensive, but I just don't understand.

It looks a little small to use on a moose- maybe they need to produce a 2x version. Heck, they could call it the "Magnum". Only twice the price!

Perhaps for the "tacticool" among us they could make one in black (or better yet the new and trendy 'Dark Earth' color) and ship it in a Kydex holster for only $40 more! The "Butt Out Tactical!" will be the must have accessory from coast to coast.

I must apologize to the gentle reader but I'm having a bit of fun with this. After field dressing scores of animals from moose to mouse I readily admit field dressing is not the most pleasant task one performs in the field- but come on. It's an animal, its bloody, it can be gory (like a .300 hitting too far back in the gut) but its not all that. It's not like your playing in a 3 day old roadkill. Suffice to say the innards of a deer are likely to look like (biologically speaking of course)a surgery ward compared to a domestic beef cow rasied in a feed lot.

Decent technique makes it much easier and all you need is a knife. Buy a video or find a friend who knows how and buy him lunch to show you how. It will be money better spent.

I won't delve into the ethical complaint I have about the total disrespect I feel this shows an animal. I'm not all misty eyed about it but I really feel subjecting an animal you've just killed to this thing is pretty damn crass. But I'll digress before I get on a tear...

Gentle reader- if field dressing makes you squeamish enough to buy this thing how on earth do you stand to kill something. I really think this is American capitalism at its best- find a non existent need and brand the crap (pun intended!) out of it.


me said...

Hard to believe that someone "invented" this, let alone some other people buy it.

What comes to mind is the saying, "Rectum, hell it kiiled 'em."

Anonymous said...

I have to say I've always wondered about this thing myself. I work for a hunting products company and I've seen some interesting stuff, but that's one of the oddest.

Oswald Bastable said...

OK- that's a new one to me!

How long before someone presents at emergency with 'an accidental insertion'?

Ben G. said...

My cousin actually bought one of these I watched him use it while dressing the deer he shot this season.

It did seem odd watching him use this butt out tool as he called it.
The only benefit I saw from using it was that it may have made the job a bit quicker, but not by much.

Needless to say I won't be getting one any time soon.